Confession: I’m terrified of Bonhomme Carnaval.

He’s the official greeter of Quebec’s Winter Carnival, which started last weekend.

Crowds of singing drunks fill the streets. There’s an ice sculpture contest, a glittering ice hotel, cocoa served out of ice mugs at the glittering ice hotel, an ice palace, ice skating, a canoe race across the icy St. Lawrence.

Here’s how I plan to survive my new city’s weird and wonderful winter festival:

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