It was last Saturday, noonish. I sat in my Juicy Couture sweats from waay back and did the same thing I always do. Checked the same travel blogs, the same Twitter. And what to my eyes should appear?

Lists! Fascinating lists filled with profound revelations and advice. I got lost in a Things I’ve Learned labyrinth starting with Dave Berry ‘s 25 Things List I Learned in 50 Years and ending with this Things I Learned from Closing a Bookstore.

Inspired, I penned my own.

The Ultimate ‘Things I Learned’ List

1. You’re never too young to create a Things I Learned List. The world’s youngest blogger, a 6-month old wrote Things I’ve Learned One Month Out of the Womb. He had a lot of advice about naps and teething rings.

2. Bloggers who should be creating Things I Learned lists aren’t.

25 Things I Learned After Fighting a Grizzly Bear
25 Things I Learned When I Discovered Popcorn
25 Things I Learned Working for Abraham Lincoln

3. The paragraph is endangered.

4. So is punctuation

5. Every topic, even the most banal, can be worthy of such a list. 

25 Things I Learned After Opening a Stuck Peanut Butter Jar
25 Things I Learned From Having the Flu
25 Things I Learned While Building an IKEA Couch

6. I can read a 25-item list in 2.5 seconds.

7. The more photos you can jam into a list, the better it will be received.

8. Life gets hard fast. Things I’ve Learned lists typically get progressively deeper and more touching with age.

Teenager: 25 Things I Learned Post Prom
20-something: 25 Things I Learned Post Breakup
30-something: 25 Things I Learned Post Diagnosis

9. Lists are more fun when read in a silly accent.

10. We’ve lost some of our old boundaries. There’s no topic so embarrasing, it can’t be broken down into a helpful life-advice list.

15 Things I Learned Battling Rectal Parasites
10 Things I Learned as Foot Fetish Model
25 Things I Learned While Dabbling in Espionage 

11. Some people need to re-learn the definition of “learn.”

12. The day a mother writes 15 Things I Learned About Twerking From My Daughters, I will have lost all hope in humanity.