Let’s be honest. Resumes aren’t meant to show off our real skills. You know the unseen stuff, the stuff your boss never includes in a performance evaluation, but probably should.
I’ve listed mine below, just in case you want to hire a drum-miming-broom-dancing-popcorn-making writer.
And so you don’t think I am bragging, I’ve listed the stuff I am not so good at. Comment below with your own mad skills!
My mad skillz résumé:
- Balancing a 600-page-plus tome on the treadmill as I run
-Drum miming as I run
-Imagining myself in an action movie as I run
- Interpretive broom dancing
- Creative theme party planning
My latest: Turtleneck & Chains (Inspired by The Lonely Island’s hilarious hit single. It’s BYLB. That’s Bring Your Light Beer).
Previous: Nautical Night. Or I Think I’m On a Boat.
- Dawson’s Creek Trivia
- Popcorn making
- Recognizing relatively obscure Biggy Smalls songs
- Doodling Venus flytraps in the margins of my notepad
- Deconstructing every nuance of My So-Called Life
- Moving cross-country/international (3 times and counting!)
- Finding freakishly good new snacks at Trader Joe’s
- Identifying a good doctor by their magazine collection. (I.E. You’re a Doctor & you want your patients reading Web MD Magazine? GTFO.)
- Making fairly elaborate quesadillas.
- Jump roping.
- Occasionally dice games & poker. I don’t play often enough to find out if I am actually good. So we’ll list this as a maybe.
- Sprinting through airports
- Finding the best pizza in any neighborhood, city, or small town
- Picking hotels
Things I need to work on:
- Balancing my mug of coffee in the car
- Parallel parking. Spent most of my life in or close to various metro areas. Still not happening.
- Eating produce before it gets moldy
- Remembering reusable grocery bags
- Dressing for the weather
- Holding those handles on the bus for long stretches of time
- Walking in heels, uphill/downhill. I firmly believe Seattle’s massive hills were the impetus for grunge fashion.
- French accents.
- Trapezing. Because you actually have to move your body when you trapeze. Who knew?
- Carrying lots of stuff and arranging it properly before trying to open the door
- Driving small cars, like FIATS
- Finding my keys
March 15, 2014 at 2:07 pm
Balancing a heavy tome on a treadmill is a fine talent indeed! I could never do that.
I think holding those bus handles are overrated. I was once holding a leather one (as you find on some Parisian buses) and it ripped sending me flying to the ground. I’ve been wary of them every since….
March 16, 2014 at 12:20 am
Ha, ha! We have something in common: both falling on Paris public trans! I fell on the Metro, trying to move my bags out of the way. It was a backwards kind of stagedive into a crowd of people because I forgot to hold onto the pole.
Thanks for stopping by!
March 16, 2014 at 12:57 pm
Parisian transportation – unexpectedly dangerous! Haha!
March 17, 2014 at 8:39 am
If you expect me to hire you, I will need a video of the drum miming run, as well as some Venus flytrap sample doodles. Work on that, won’t you?
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