Skill #105: Wildlife spotting.

Let’s be honest. Resumes aren’t meant to show off our real skills. You know the unseen stuff, the stuff your boss never includes in a performance evaluation, but probably should.

I’ve listed mine below, just in case you want to hire a drum-miming-broom-dancing-popcorn-making writer.

And so you don’t think I am bragging, I’ve listed the stuff I am not so good at. Comment below with your own mad skills!

My mad skillz résumé: 

• Balancing a 600-page-plus tome on the treadmill as I run

-Drum miming as I run
-Imagining myself in an action movie as I run

• Interpretive broom dancing

-Car dancing
-Elliptical dancing

• Creative theme party planning
  My latest: Turtleneck & Chains (Inspired by The Lonely Island’s hilarious hit single. It’s BYLB. That’s Bring Your Light Beer).
  Previous: Nautical Night. Or I Think I’m On a Boat.

• Dawson’s Creek Trivia
• Popcorn making
• Recognizing relatively obscure Biggy Smalls songs
• Doodling Venus flytraps in the margins of my notepad
• Deconstructing every nuance of My So-Called Life
• Moving cross-country/international (3 times and counting!)
• Finding freakishly good new snacks at Trader Joe’s
• Identifying a good doctor by their magazine collection. (I.E. You’re a Doctor & you want your patients reading Web MD Magazine? GTFO.)
• Making fairly elaborate quesadillas.
• Jump roping.
• Sweeping
• Occasionally dice games & poker. I don’t play often enough to find out if I am actually good. So we’ll list this as a maybe.
• Sprinting through airports
• Finding the best pizza in any neighborhood, city, or small town
• Picking hotels

Things I need to work on:

• Balancing my mug of coffee in the car
• Parallel parking. Spent most of my life in or close to various metro areas. Still not happening.
• Eating produce before it gets moldy
• Remembering reusable grocery bags
• Dressing for the weather
• Holding those handles on the bus for long stretches of time
• Walking in heels, uphill/downhill. I firmly believe Seattle’s massive hills were the impetus for grunge fashion.
• French accents.
• Trapezing. Because you actually have to move your body when you trapeze. Who knew?
• Carrying lots of stuff and arranging it properly before trying to open the door
• Driving small cars, like FIATS
• Finding my keys