Anglo Adventure

Travel with a sense of humor

Tag Archives: writing


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My War Against Weak Words

Bees pollination lavendar

Just a wee bee. Aren’t we all?

I decided to eliminate a number of words and phrases from my vernacular.

I think

I will never write “I think” in a work-related email again. I didn’t realize how weak it made me seem. Especially if I use it when I don’t think, I know. Would you rather take directions from someone who said, “I think the store is that way” or, “the store is that way?”

French eliminated superfluous words from my vocabulary, because well, my French vocabulary is so limited. In French, I will say, Oui! After everything. When I am explaining something, most of the “likes” are replaced with “uhhh” as I struggle to find the word in French. If I let an “uhhh” linger too long, the person will just start speaking English to me. That feels like getting kicked in the chins.

I did get in a bad habit of saying, “Je pense.” Beaucoup.

Ps. did you know, ponce (how I want to spell it) is British slang for a pimp?

Think about I Think in a professional context. Who wants I Think Sheryl managing a department or business?  “I think we’re about to go bankrupt.” “I think we should lay-off Jerry.” “I think this ad campaign will get us more revenue.” Way to fill us all with confidence there. Continue reading →


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Now Hiring – Agency of Misunderstood Writer Weirdos

Emily-Dickinson-poets-writing-job-tips

Would you hire her?

‘T was a long parting, but the time 

for interview had come  – Emily Dickinson

After suffering through another job rejection (so close!), I might start my own writing agency: The Agency of Misunderstood Writer Weirdos. Or something.

I would hire one or two sales guys or gals. And the rest of you would have to have demonstrated experience in things like getting last picked in gym class and being a running target for spitballs.

Things preventing me from getting a

J-O-B

  1. I can’t seem to muster the appropriate amount of enthusiasm in interviews. I am somewhere between screaming Yippee or staring blankly at the wall.
  2. My family banned bragging about accomplishments early on. No trophy case. All ribbons and awards were to be shoved into dresser drawers and forgotten about within seconds. Sure, there’s some fanfare, maybe a celebratory dinner if you graduated law school or something, but boasting is quickly met with: Whatdoyouthinkyou’rebetterthanme?
  3. I have trouble talking about my writing process. I sit down and um….write. And then I pet the dog. And then I Facebook stalk my old classmates. And then I edit whatever I wrote before.
  4. I can’t lie. So if you ask me about my interests, I am going to tell you I am obsessed with “Sister Wives,” I own at least four pairs of giant sunglasses, and that I could be a lipgloss hoarder.
  5. The Weakness question terrifies me. I have a weakness for salted-caramel anything. Post-its cover my desk. My handwriting is illegible.
  6. I haven’t figured out how to dress on interviews in fashion-unconscious Seattle. Last time I wore a power suit, a fedora gang made fun of me.
  7. I have two-thumbs-up Tourrettes. I hear Fonzie and Dave Coulier suffered the same aliment.

Brief Imagined Interview with Emily Dickinson

I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog! ~ Emily Dickinson

Hopefully, for all you other unemployed but amazing, thumbs-up-giving weirdos, this will make you feel better (or maybe worse): Emily Dickinson would never get a job today.

Emily Dickinson rarely left her house and wore all white and was all kinds of crazy. Also brilliant. And yet, no company would hire Emily Dickinson to write their copy because Emily Dickinson could never get through the first interview. Marketing teams don’t want a Dickinson. Newspapers don’t want a Dickinson. She probably couldn’t even get my old dog-washing job.

“Tell me about your biggest accomplishment?”

“The pedigree of honey/does not concern the bee/A clover, any time, to him/is aristocracy”

“Uh – ok. I see you have some great references, but can you point to a time you’ve had to deal with criticism?

“The pretty people in the woods/Receive me cordially.”

“Thanks Emily, I think that’s it. We’ll let you know.”

Comment with your interview tips for Emily Dickinsons of the world.


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Travel Writing Myths Debunked

Travel writing, Quebec City, Anthony Bourdain,

How did I get here?

You’ve seen those ads:

Make up to $75 an hour writing from home! (Unless you can write 1,000 words in an hour, this is will.not. happen)

Become a  published author & tell your friends you don’t SUCK Afterall. 

Travel, write, and get paid for it (in change).

Getting paid for writing and travel is like getting paid to gobble down chocolate and watch TV. Everyone enjoys it, therefore, it’s super hard to get into and even harder to make a living. Be prepared.

I lucked into worked my tail off for four or five years and moved to Canada before any exciting travel writing work came my way. I am not going to tell you it’s impossible; I will let you figure out what’s possible. I don’t know where you’ve been. I don’t know your talent level or whether your palate has a G.E.D. or Ph.D.

I am here to tell you what I’ve learned so far.

Myth 1: Travel Writing is Easy

travel writing

So good. But what do you say about dinner rolls?

It is fun. Sampling fois gras and salmon tartar and writing it up is the most fun I’ve ever had, career-wise. But it came with pages and pages of work in a short time. Continue reading →


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8 Annoying New Things That Need To Go Away

A rant seems slightly incongruent to my last post about Mad Men’s Lane Pryce, suicide and happiness. But passive-agressively ranting about stupid things is so much fun. Please comment with what’s annoying you today.

8 Annoying New Things:

8. The Term Porn when not applied to Pornography

foodporn expat blog travel blog travel tips denmark snorbrod

I’d like to bite right into her. Those little crumbly things on top are driving me wild.

You think you’re clever by referring to that bowl of soggy macaroni as, ” Food Porn” but it’s not. It’s dirty. It takes the innocence right out of those little elbow noodles. And I will always associate the word porn with pornography, even though yes, Dictionary.com confirms it is a correct way to use the term.

But screw Dictionary.com. No one in their right mind truly lusts over a turkey sandwich – even if it has bacon.

7. Travel Bloggers Holding Wine Glasses

travel blogs, travel avatars, travel tips, expat blog

No idea what prompted me to pose like this. So worldly.

If you look at travel blogs enough, you should count how many people hold a glass of wine (by the stem) and stare off into the distance as if they’re dreaming about some far-off land. Congrats: you’re a cliche. And no, wine is not more appropriate for a blog headshot than beer.

I should change my avatar to me lapping up the pool of milk leftover in my cereal bowl.

6. Creatives on The Pitch

the pitch, copywriting, travel blog, expat blogs

Look! Even my post its are creative

I both love and despise The Pitch. I love how every agency creative wears the same vertically striped button down. Or then there’s the guy who’s too creative, the one with half his head shaved, a sleeve, and lip piercing. You know: the one with all the ideas. The best part is when one of these creatives pitches an idea and it’s met with an eerie silence that expresses disapproval, disappointment, and disgust.

Then there’s the fluttering post-its on the walls with scribbled taglines that make absolutely no sense.

Memorize this tagline formula and you could be on “The Pitch:”

____ Plus ____ = _____

Simply ____

One ___ will change ____

Just ______

5. Job Descriptions that Mention Non-Existant Office Dogs

When did this become a thing? I adore my dog. I even adore office dogs. But just because you’re a startup, doesn’t mean you have to be cool with canines. I want an office full of monkeys and hedgehogs and sugar gliders. And cobras, specifically in the HR department. A barking dog and pee-stained hardwood floor does not say professional to your investors and clients. Continue reading →


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So You Want to be a Writer?

When it is truly time

and if you have been chosen it will do it by

itself and keep doing it

until you die or it dies in you

there is no other way

and there never was ~Bukowski

 (Read the rest of it here).

So you want to be a writer. Allow me to snicker for a second. Not at you. At what you think of writing and the grimy REALITY of writing professionally, commercially or even creatively.

Many people want to be writers because of that glorious moment when they’ll trumpet to their parents, their friends or to whomever:

“I am a writer.”

You’ll be awash in admiration. You get to be the person behind the table at a book signing, the center of attention surrounded by a crowd  wearing skinny ties and vanity glasses and people who sip glasses of red wine,  lamenting on the latest best seller.

That moment is rare. And I will probably never experience it.

But I don’t write for that moment.

I write for the moment in the middle of the night, when something in me stirs – an idea. When it feels as if the brain is plugged directly into my imagination and I get the experience down beautifully. When I am not thinking, when I am half-lucid and my fingers are flying.

I can sit there for hours this way.

But Writers Never Feel Like Writers

You picture the writing life as something like this. A fancy literary event with cocktails. But most of the time I work alone in sweats.

Even writers with a capital W probably don’t feel like they can call themselves writers. I say probably because I am a writer with a lowercase “W”.

I have had one poem published in a chapbook (and subsequentally, a community newspaper) and a whole lotta paragraphs published in a travel guide, and a bunch of other blogs, newspaper articles, etc. I even won an award for an article I wrote on bees of all things.

I still hesitate when that damn What Do You Do? question comes up. I decided I am going to start calling myself a carpenter. It’s artistic, Jesus did it, and women carpenters are pretty rare. And that’s cool.

Even with a six-year writing career and minor accomplishments, I still feel like a fraud. Like I can’t possibly belong to the same art form as Bishop and Vonnegut and Dave Eggers. I don’t want people to assume that by calling myself a writer I think am at that level. Continue reading →